I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
