fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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