Cold hands, warm shart.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
