So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
