kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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