Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
