Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
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