I think I died a long time ago.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
