i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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