dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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