I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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