she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
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How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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