After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it glows. i had to have it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
