never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
