wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
