You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
