actually, I'm a sock model
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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