Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
