I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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