What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
