Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
