She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
