so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
