Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
