she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
