She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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