Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
