on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
