If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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