Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
