You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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