You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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