I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
