You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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