And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
