You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
