i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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