After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
