So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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