Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
