can u get pink eye on your cock?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
