We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
