One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
