This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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