You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
