Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
