i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
