mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I got chris browned last night
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How does one acquire holy water?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
