I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We got so high we made milksteak
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My liver just had a heart attack.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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