DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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