I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
