oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
