My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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