Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
