I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
