Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize