I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
