dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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