also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
