Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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