i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
