i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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