AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
