I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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