my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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